Archive for category Ouch

Mutha f*ck Snoop mutha f*ck Dre mutha f*ck……online shopping???

HOLY HELL……Somebody needs to seriously pry my credit card (and my paypal debit account and my victoria secret angels card) out of my needy little overindulgent, spend happy fingers! Have you ever watched a “haul” video on youtube? Well if you know what I’m talking about, you would know that my entire life’s existance is a giant “haul video” consisting of me huddled up to the mailbox at 9:30AM exactly every morning waiting for the scrawny little mailman with the red beard and dog treats to “gimmie the loot gimmie the loot.”  It has gotten to the point where I have no idea what I have purchesed or what is in store for me at the mailbox; only the fact that I know everyday something will be there!! …..and its like fucking Christmas…everyday….EVERY….DAY!!!

The only real mutha f*ckin G’s are the retailers on the internet who have me wrapped around their fingers…..well done assholes lol

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Habits and Parties

SOOOO…first off, I am having this ridiculous problem with kicking habits. I recently quit smoking (WOOP WOOP) however, I am most definitely one of those loser “I only smoke when I drink” people. The only problem with this is that I happen to drink quite a lot, AND I am now looking for more and more excuses to sit down crack a bottle of bubbly..pop in a skewer of frozen blueberries (yes I keep then on hand im my freezer for such occasions) and sit down with a good book and….dun dun dun…a cig…EWW. To further help my quitting I have taken up coffee as my new vice. Now the interesting thing here is that I used to go ape shit for green tea, were talking about 5 mugs a day.  I have found now that coffee takes the edge off things a little more…or does it add the edge? I haven’t really analyzed that one yet……

Speaking of cigarettes and drinking….I had quite the house party this weekend.  So naturally, being my parents expensive ass shit and all, I was tres concerned about breaking things, spillage etc.  to the point that I was quite the stress case. Funny enough, other than regular old mess, nothing was damaged. Until the next morning when I was hung over.

The following is a list of shit I FUCKED UP all by myself the next morning:

1)Smashed the glass of the “hutch”

2)Broke the slider for my keyboard off of the computer desk.

3)Broke  2 glasses, a bowl, and a really pretty party light candle

4)The light in the fridge just stopped working..new bulb and all

5) Melted the handle on my microwave trying to extinguish 5 flame engulfed stuffed goat cheese jalapeno’s

FML…

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You win some…you drunklenly sprain some

ok do you want the good news or the bad news first……

 

 ok good news.

 SO GUESS WHAT?

 I got offered a job in NEW YORK CITY!!!

 You may ask, how does a 22 year old from North Vancouver get a killer job offer from the Big Apple? The answer is absolutly nothing!

 I randomly met this chick who just so happens to be the PR Director for Lush Cosmetics!!!!!!!!!! She loved me and wants me to move there and work with her when I’m done my degree!!! YAY!! I’m pretty thrilled…….

 So the bad news is that I fucked up my ankle (again) whilst drunkly galavanting around the historic cobble streets of old Gastown in 4 inch heels….Yep, it’s black and blue and HUGE!!

 oops.

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